“Am I Any Good?”
My whole career, strangers have asked me upon finding out what I do: “Are you working with any good singers?”
I used to be flummoxed; not sure how to answer a very innocent and judgmental question. Every person who asks has a different definition of good.
So, I say, “Yes, they are all great!” That surprises people.
On the whole, most singers coming through the studio are already good singers; even most beginners have good natural inclinations.
I used to think that voice lessons were for people who didn’t know how to sing. This is a common misconception. When I was gifted a few lessons in high school, those lessons were training me in a different kind of singing. No thank you.
I already knew ‘how to sing’ - my definition is matching pitches and expressing myself.
When I came back to lessons in college, I was accepting of learning different ways to sing, singing different kinds of music, because, well, I didn’t know what else the hell to do. I did know that I didn’t want to compete.
Disservice of Competition
As someone who got pretty constant feedback in the form of praise and accolades for my singing, I still saw competition as a way to be proven otherwise; that I wouldn’t be good enough. My ego was too fragile. I couldn’t control much in my life; I was scared of a lot, but singing was the one thing I could count on. I wasn’t putting that on the potential chopping block to see how I ranked. I wouldn’t have been able to articulate this then; I just knew that competition in regards to singing felt dangerous to me.
I still find it disheartening that someone can win at singing; no one can convince me that grading an art form is good for the artist.
I stand by every insecure singer, rooting for their good enoughness. We need cheerleaders when we are searching. And, it’s easier to find our confidence when we have people believing in us, especially in this competitive world that is full of rejection.
Before it was an art form, singing was expression; freedom. It was a rite; it was communal; it was necessary. And, I. am. here. to. bring. that. back.
The people who ask me: “Am I any good?” aren’t asking because they want to audition for a show. They ask because my affirmation or confirmation tells them that they are worth something.
The most common goal of my adults venturing into voice exploration is that they want to be able to sing without being embarrassed - like, around a campfire, or singing hymns in church, or maybe karaoke with friends. These aren’t people trying to become a star.
It’s a Mad Mean World
This concern (doubt) of most of my clientele (for years!) is a direct result of the spectacle that shows like American Idol have created; a collective making fun of people’s bad singing.
I grieve for people desiring to sing in this judgmental world.
I have had ONE (1) singer in 24 years of teaching (and almost a thousand students) who was on American Idol.
He was the first client I ever had that had trouble matching pitch. I was so inexperienced then and told him I thought he should find someone else better equipped, but he begged me to stick with him and we’d figure it out together. After 6 months, he took a break. A year later he came for a few lessons to prep for Idol; because he had passed through to the TV auditions.
That’s right. There are auditions to find the good, and the bad. Because making fun of people sells. I never watched the show again after that.
What is Good Anyway?
Hello, can o’ worms.
Typically, by those public humiliation standards, we are identifying someone who “can’t sing” when they aren’t matching the pitches to the melody we know. Of course, this IS still singing, so they CAN sing. We just identify it as not good.
“You (they) can’t sing.” This is a useless, and harmful statement. People will believe that about themselves if someone tells them. People CAN learn to match pitch. I didn’t know how to help that first student of mine, 24 years ago. But, I have since figured out lots of tools and lessons for learning to match pitch, and have had many success stories with clients.
Not matching pitch is actually pretty rare. Most people who might have trouble matching, usually have trouble with the higher, louder portions of the melody. Again, an easy thing to learn.
Maybe “good” isn’t really the point. That would indicate that only “good” voices are worthy to sing; and since it’s so subjective, that leaves anyone in doubt to be fearful, and likely, kept silent.
Ironically, the fear of not being “good enough” has often come from some of the most experienced (and, arguably, the best) voices I’ve heard. You can imagine, there is something deeper there.
Innocent Obstacles
Skill aside, comments like, “keep it down” “be quiet” or someone holding their ears when you sing, can shut you down. None of those statements or gestures actually mean that you can’t sing, or that you don’t sound good. Sometimes peoples’ sensitivities can make sound overwhelming.
I get that. I am a highly sensitive person. My senses (sound/sight/smell/touch) can easily get overwhelmed, especially when I’m having an anxious day. I am a musician that often doesn’t listen to music because of this.
So, whether you got silenced by an innocent comment or the fear of the judgmental competitive world, there are good reasons to be unsure.
There isn’t enough general knowledge of how to sing in the world. Our society has lived by the myth, either you can or can’t. Where did that come from? Why don’t people say that about playing guitar, or tennis? It seems like it is obvious that one would take a lesson in something they don’t know how to do, so they could learn.
Maybe the myth has been perpetuated by successful (read: famous) singers over the years, bragging that they haven’t had one singing lesson. Like a badge of honor. I heard Paul McCartney on a podcast say that he never did those warm-ups that people do.
Wow, amazing that he has had no trouble singing everything he wants to sing his whole life without the assistance or help from a lesson or warming up his voice
Every body is different. Not everyone needs to stretch before they run. I do!
If you need some lessons to learn something, and your voice feels better when it’s warmed up, it doesn’t mean that you are not a good singer, and that it’s not worth doing because it doesn’t come “as naturally” as it does to Paul.
We don’t know that warm ups or cool down exercises wouldn’t have helped Paul recover better and faster after shows, or made his voice different during them.
When we admire someone else’s beautiful garden, we don’t say, “Well, I shouldn’t bother planting anything, because my one pansy plant died last year. I guess I’m not a good gardener.”
Do you think if anyone ever told Bob Dylan that his voice was a little whiny, that he would have stopped writing and performing songs?
The handful of singers I’ve worked with over the years that have auditioned for those competitive shows (Voice, AGT, AI) didn’t need my approval. They asked me to help them prepare. They knew they were good and wanted to see what would happen. Those are a few voices that I would have loved sharing with the world, but they didn’t “get through”. That’s because…
Good voices are everywhere!
The music industry is strange and complicated in this modern world. And, as a songwriter who has just released music into the world at the age of 49, part of me is encouraged by the fun fact that Spotify has about 100,000 uploads of new music a day. That means more and more people are desiring to be heard.
The other part of me is a little daunted, because how in the world will people find my music? I remind myself that I wrote the songs without the vision of recording them. Artists make art because we want to make art. Whether that comes with a check or followers, or not.
We sing the songs because it feels good to express something; to feel something. Our voices show people who we are, and the world has taught us to be ashamed of them. We can unlearn that too.
Sometimes voice lessons are to learn how to do what doesn’t come naturally. They can also be for…
Retraining muscles and learning new art forms/genres
Maintenance: even professional musicians work with a coach/trainer to help keep them in shape (prof athletes have trainers and coaches), or recovery from illness; injury
Recovering wounded artist self
Working on Confidence building (not everyone who has a good voice, believes it)
In fact, if you are singing out in the world and you have a hard time receiving compliments, or maybe don’t even believe people when they say you’re good, or that they enjoy your singing, your voice is not the obstacle. This requires deeper investigation. I’m a big fan of therapy. Find where the holes are in knowing your value and worth in general. Find that, and your relationship with your voice will heal.
When we physically and mentally feel in command of our bodies and the way we express our feelings, we tend to sing more assuredly. And, the more we do it, the confidence builds.
Whether you seek work with a coach or not, here are 7 things you can do on your own to appreciate your own voice:
HOW DO I LOVE MY VOICE?
Believe you are good enough… it’s not a competition
Don’t compare - “Comparison is the thief of joy” - Teddy Roosevelt
Be aware of your judgmental voice towards others; see if you can limit it. Don’t punish yourself for the thoughts; just notice them.
Listen to it! Yep, record yourself and listen to your voice. How else are friendships made? You need to spend time with it; listen. I promise you will cringe less with time.
Name your WHY - Why do you want to sing? How does it make you feel?
Don’t overanalyze a recording of every performance. You’ll never hear what we heard. There is a time to analyze, but if you’re insecure, not yet.
Find the easy places to sing and the easy songs to sing.
I believe all of the singers I work with are good singers. And, when they feel connected to their heart and true desires, they truly are connected to their voice in a special way that makes it a privilege and delight to listen to.
A few years ago I was in the checkout line at the CVS and the guy behind me was singing along with the music playing overhead. Some 80s tune. I looked over my shoulder and smiled, and started humming along. His girlfriend looked sheepish and elbowed him, and I said, “It’s nice; I love this song too.” I walked out smiling, with my receipt trailing behind me.
Think of the fun we could be having while shopping if we allowed ourselves to break into song over the produce pickings.
Be careful of your words; creative wounds are easily made. If you’ve been on the receiving end, know that unkind words or unintentional comments are not truth. We need more voices in the world; not less.
Maybe I’m the singer that I am because I was encouraged early on. I might not have anything more special than the next person. I believed I could, so I did. Everyone should have that chance.