New Season. New Skin. Finding Super Powers

Leaning into our SuperPowers, and finding the comfort in connecting and in the Bittersweet.

This is my 50th year… on my way to the next half century, and perhaps, tapping into the every 7 year energy at the age of 49… I am digging into this shift. Have you heard this before? That every 7 years we are a different person - at a cellular level (shedding skin et al). While not literally true, it’s a nice sentiment to ponder. And, as I reflect back, sure enough, about every 7 years, there have been little to canyon rifts and shifts along the way.

My skin is different though. I’ve got my first tattoo; thinking about a second (they told me this would happen!), and overall, a little more dry. I heard that would happen too. Ugh!

The universe has been gently tapping and poking me the last few years: “what about this? Spend time with this…with your pain, with others’ pain, with suffering, with enduring, with hoping, with your body, with noticing, with regulating, with your breath, with curiosity, with adventure, with play and joy.

I’ve listened, and slowly incorporated. With the noticing and embracing the suffering and being curious, came the writing.

The tapping to share my findings and my new voice more recently have felt like banging, so here I am, with my words and my musings on the philosophies of life.

More specifically, on the journey to become one’s most authentic self, learning to listen to the secret desired whispers of the heart, and hopefully imparting words of encouragement on how to incorporate those desires into the truest self and empower your voices too.

I’ll deliver a fresh or a thoughtfully fresh tint on a recycled musing each Thursday. Why Thursday? Well, they say consistency is key, and to pick a day to post/share. They say, alliteration is catchy too - #thoughtfulthursdays

The tapping only turned into banging when I was dragging my feet on learning a new platform. New Year, New Platform. Hence, New Season. New Skin.

At the start of this New Year, I’ll share with you my new found secret.

My SuperPower

The whispers and cries of my heart came in 2020 as the sands shifted; under all of us. With each new hardship, and therapy, came new questions, new wonderings where life was calling me. By the end of 2021, I was ready to quit it all. I told my friends, “I don’t even think I like music! I don’t know if I want to keep teaching.” Now I see that most of that was the weariness of too much grief.

I kept going though. I don’t work, I don’t pay rent; eat! I’m sure you entrepreneurs have been there before, when your work is your passion, but then your passion shifts. How do I keep up the work?

Little shifts. Just like all the step by step books on learning any subject will tell you… Baby steps.

Slowly, I could see the threads of continuing to stay in voicework, to work with singers, and find the deeper connections to healing that I needed. And, as it turns out, so do most people!

Of all the “gifts/talents/skills” I have trained for, spent time in, pursued in my life, I have come to this…

If I had to pick ONE thing that I am SUPER good at, above and beyond all of the things I’m very proud of doing well, it is…

Sitting with peoples’ Pain…and Sadness.

And, I didn’t even take a class on this. I’m now referring to this as my SUPERPOWER. What’s yours? The thing where you are amazing, naturally; truly (no training!).

My revelation recently was that since I have become more accepting of all of the emotions that I experience, especially pain and sadness, I actually lean and live into Joy more frequently. 

Even in the depressed, dark, despairing days of 2020 and 2021, I look back through my pictures and see evidence of the sparkling joy and delight and fun connection with my community before and after every moment of darkness and sadness that I remember. 

Sadness and Joy go together. (Remember Pixar’s Inside Out?) 

I used to be ashamed of my sadness and used to ignore my anger… like they were embarrassing secrets. 

I presented fine; I presented good; happy. For a long time I didn’t know that I was pretending; it was mostly being stuck in survival modes.

Imagine my surprise when I started doing the hard work - admitting and uncovering the sadness and pain of my childhood and life experiences - life became easier. So much of the unintentional pretending is that I denied, or didn’t understand my feelings! 

Confusion turned to Clarity (the tastiest dish!)

Acceptance turned to Movement. 

It became easier to live an Authentic life. And, so when the hard hits came in 2020, I was able to be real with my people, and ask for grace when I needed a break, and luckily, by the nature of my work, most of the time work was a nice distraction from my own pain; either I was sitting with their pain, or delighting in their art-making.

Sharing the Bittersweet

Coming through these darkest days and into a more curious and lighter year, I recognize…

I have a natural affinity for the melancholy of life. 

I love sad songs. I don’t find them depressing, but beautiful.

And, I see the beauty in the bittersweetness of life, which I have recently been affirmed, and have had confirmed, to be a very natural thing (read Susan Cain’s Bittersweet)!

My chaotic and challenging childhood did not mire me in sadness. Keeping it secret was harmful. Perhaps it is my inclination for the bittersweet that helped me survive it; as I waited to be awakened to ask for help.

I’ve always had a soft spot for Eeyore and Charlie Brown. My granddaddy was a big PEANUTS fan. I often gifted him Snoopy ornaments at Christmas time (I have since inherited them). He had a treasure trove of Charles Schultz books. I would always pick one up when I visited. I thought of my granddad every Sunday when I read the comics in the paper and when I pass an inflatable Santa Snoopy this time of year. 

We don’t have kid’s characters like Charlie Brown anymore, do we? Charlie Brown was always a little depressed, bummed; things didn’t go quite right. I empathized, and identified with him. Now, I look back and think, he really needed to stay away from Lucy. Maybe if he’d had better boundaries…

I was equally charmed by Eeoyre, Winnie-the-Pooh’s donkey friend. He was the picture of melancholy. Blue, literally; walked with his head hung low and talked with a slow, low, languid sad mournful tone. Maybe the thing that enamored me all the more was that he was always welcome with his friends; no one tried to make anything better; they were happy to have him around. His sadness was welcome.

And, I find that intentionally being with other people who are safe and easy, makes me feel better. On a hard day, I can gather with my people, breathe, sing and laugh, and it makes it all a little easier.

My shame and embarrassment of not being able to access joy, happiness, fun and playfulness was counter intuitive. Not talking about it kept those further from reach. Talking about it helps. Or, maybe just not hiding it helps. Saying to my class, “oof I’m having a tough time right now, but I’m so glad to be with you” keeps it real, and by the end of class, it really is better than ok.

Susan Cain says that our internal pain always comes out. Might as well have company!

I suffered secretly for too long. I also had to learn that there is actually nothing wrong with suffering, itself. Glennon Doyle beautifully said, “Suffering is what happens when we avoid pain and consequently miss our becoming.”

The darkness comes when we suffer in secret, when we do not have connection with others. 

Sharing the Load

It is this gift that I think I was primed for in my life, to witness and hold people in their pain and suffering. And, to show them the way to compassion and acceptance and connection. Or, at least be one person who offers it, when the journey seems overwhelming.

I have been doing a variation of this, maybe my whole life, but very specifically in the last few years, with my clients. As I have been healing, my clients have been getting a new me, as we explore their voices and all the sounds they desire to make.

While I continue to work with singers and people who are curious about singing, it is in the exploration and connection of voices and with other people, that drives me. My studio looks very different now than it did pre-Covid. 

It is full of adults who are in transitional spaces; who are looking for healing or joy, maybe fun; who are looking to share their sadness; looking for connection; and looking for a new relationship with their voice and creativity; or, accessing them for the first time.

For more than 15 years, I have used my continuing education time and resources on learning vocal styles and new repertoire; voice techniques and voice science for recovery.

More recently, my continuing ed looks like learning and spending time with healing modalities, the power of the vagus nerve, creating safe and stable spaces and communities for people who are holding trauma. 

Singing is a great nervous system regulator. 

I’m pretty sure I got hooked on singing as a child because it was a permissible way to express emotions, and my sadness and grief were not welcome outside that arena.

Singing can also release long stored grief and pain, and most people can be unaware and confused when those things happen in the studio. Many of us who hold trauma in our bodies can be unconscious to it. 

With my nervous system regulation training, I can now witness and identify when it happens with clients and can usually help them move through it. In some cases, people need to talk; they need an emotional witness. But, mostly, we’re using somatic exercises to either continue a release or redirect to get back on the creative track.

The world needs more empathy in general, so I am happy to provide that to my clients, as well as provide any accountability that they want in their life, in their art, in their growth as artists, in their singing… whatever shows up. 

These days, not everyone sings in their sessions. Tiny moments of healing are creating space for artistic, even when no song is sung.

Susan Cain also mentions that those of us who treasure the bittersweet often have “a shared longing for the art of peaceful repair”. If this resonates with you, I’m here. I’ve got spaces open for the new year. 

What do you need? 
An emotional witness? 
A guide to find your voice in this world, in your relationships, in your art and songs? 
Are you looking to heal creative wounds? 
Are you looking to dive into creative endeavors after ignoring the call for decades? 
Are you looking for ways to regulate your emotions, nervous system for easier living in a chaotic world?
Are you looking to slow down and know your body better? Singing will help you slow down and get to know your body. Think of it as a tool rather than an art form.
Are you ready to embrace your sadness and the darkness you’ve kept hidden?

There is connection in sharing sadness, and JOY is on the other side. .

Super Powers Unite!

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